The Irony of Self-Sabotage


From my understanding, self sabotage is the interference that we as individuals allow that ultimately keep us from our personal goals. A great example of this is procrastination.

I’m not really sure why I do it or when I started doing it, but I am aware that I self-sabotage. They say self- reflection is the key to moving forward so here I am. I know that I am smart, full of energy and ideas, but sometimes I have trouble starting and/or finishing things. I remember when I was younger I use to say that I was scared of¬† my own success. Someone interpreted that I was afraid of failure and I didn’t see it then as being afraid of failure but as a 27 year old woman, I get what they mean now.


Please and thank you. ūüôā

So I am fully aware of this box that I created for myself and as much as I could blame it on a lot of exterior factors such as various traumas, parenting style of my parents , and other things, I think it’s about time for me to build a habit getting past that. I am starting to feel the hassle¬† that has been created through my self sabotaging behavior.

How do I self sabotage?

For me I think procrastination is probably my biggest issue. When it comes to someone having an expectation of me, as it pertains usually to my own goal, I tend to sway away from it.


I am a graduate student and a full-time employee. Because of this my professors work with me to make sure that we utilize other ways of getting credit that I would otherwise get had I been able to attend class in full. My professor only wanted me to write a reflection  email to show that I am still following along with the readings. Sounds easy right? Idiot proof? Yea, but let me tell you that it was so hard for me to write one until she emailed me and asked me where they were. We have had about 5 classes go by.

But why did I do that? To be honest I really believe the reason why I procrastinated the way I did is because I will be finished with my master’s in December. At least I’m planning to be, and the truth is, I’m terrified.¬† I’ve always wanted to get my master’s. It was a dream of mine in undergrad but I never thought any school would accept me because I of my g.p.a. Now that I’m almost done, I’m dragging my feet out of fear of what can come out of it.

The key phrase is “what can come out of it?”

So again, even years later, the question of whether that is fear of success or failure, or a constant thought of not being deserving suspended in mid air.

As some of you know I attend Word of Faith in Southfield, MI. This past weekend, Pastor Michelle Ferguson had the stage. She preached a sermon called ” A Change of Heart”. She mentioned a few things/ stories¬†that I felt were relevant to how I been feeling lately.

God can change the circumstances around you but it’s up to you to make it possible for what you want, but it’s up to you to determine what you will accept from God. She used a great example with a kitchen tool that resembled a strainer. The strainer wasn’t that big but it represented what she was willing to allow to be filtered through her life. She mentioned that when she had meet her husband, she didn’t feel that he could genuinely love her for who she was. I other words at the time because of what she believed about herself, she couldn’t imagine being worthy of something so big.

I could totally relate to this. There were things externally throughout my life that have been written on my heart that have hindered me in different ways, but ultimately it is up to me to be the keeper of my heart.

The inspiration of this particular post is rooted in wanting that change to that I can receive in this year of fabulous outpouring.  I need to believe bigger and start to believe more about what God has said to me in regards to who I am.

He has definitely always showed me that he will deliver me and open doors for me. I just need to believe for all the things I want to come through those doors and that it is mine.

Self sabotage is a tool from an enemy, a form of bondage, that keeps us from being where God wants to be. It keeps us from reaching the people he wants us to reach, and it prohibits us from bringing glory to God and making his name great.

So today, I ask that you reflect if you are a procrastinator or someone who engages in self sabotage and really ask yourself why you feel that you don’t deserve it?

Victory is yours!

Much love.











FAITH, Life, Parenting

Moving Forward!

So in a few weeks my daughter will be two years old. I am ecstatic for this mile stone because she is so smart and overall a sweet little girl. Lauren is my first and only child so any parent could imagine how special she is to me.

On the flip side of being¬† the mom of one of God’s precious beings, I am also a single parent that has dealt with her share of issues. These issues ranged from a disastrous relationship with the other parent to battles in family court. To say the least, it can be¬†hard. Really hard. It’s hard when you become pregnant expectantly and then have the burden of heartbreak or separation. Whether it happens in the beginning of a pregnancy, during, after, married or unmarried, it’s hard. I don’t think any of us plan these things but sometimes they happen and when it does what are we to do?

The best answer I can give is to give it to God. I don’t just say this because it sounds all warm and fuzzy, I say it because Jesus makes us whole in all things. He makes us single parents whole in any situation that we find ourselves in. No matter what it is.

When I wondered about my finances, I would always say that Jehovah Jireh was my provider…

When I would become worried about my future, I would say that God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love and a strong mind.

When I worried about what others would think and say about me God would always remind me that I am defined through the finish works of Jesus Christ. He also reminded me of Isaiah 54:17, no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD. ( that cover’s all the ground you need)

I also would ask God to restore me..

Where it gets crazy:

Now,¬† I would be lying to say I didn’t want the wrath of God to overtake the one who had hurt me time and time again. It would simply be a lie. However I will say this in handling that part of emotion. I was told specifically by the Holy Spirit that I was not to do anything to manipulate and Stir the pot in that situation. I was told to simply walk away without sound. And I did just that. Throughout that time God revealed things to me about the situation and the other person but it wasn’t for me to bathe their defeat, it was for me to continue moving on and for me to understand the penalty of a person who refuses to turn their ways to Christ.

Where I think people get it wrong is that they allow their hearts to¬†be come hardened¬†due to their disdain for the other person and their own¬†pride. When the Holy Spirit told me that it was certainly for a good reason. Nothing will block your blessing faster than having a black heart, seeking revenge, causing strife, not walking in love and just plainly¬† being evil. God does not reward bad behavior, as a matter of fact he despises it. Stay away from it! You don’t have to argue to get your point across or anything else…

Swimming through the strong current of single motherhood taught me about God’s faithfulness and his love for me. It took a lot of prayer.. Lots…. It took tears, nights of feeling inadequate and lonely for me to really put my face before God.. Again, it’s hard to go before God when you know you and your sin got you there. Jesus answers in John 14:6 that he is the truth and the light. No one comes to the father except through him. It took crying out to Jesus and handing over my emotions and guilt from sin to put me where God needed me.

Now you’re probably wondering where I am going with all of this. Well, I believe in my heart that my situation was suppose to be for God’s glory. Although it’s not¬† “good” I can tell the world how GOD, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ came into my life and presented me with grace, mercy, love, hope and restoration in all things. I have been victorious in everything I have done since obeying the¬†Holy Spirit in that moment.¬†Besides the fact that I have a physical being walking along side of me, nothing about my life is shattered. I know that I’m¬†suppose to let single mothers know that it will be ok. It will get better and that God is watching and wanting your victory!

Side Bar Convo:

For some reason when I read about Ciara (the singer)¬†now a days I get disappointed in her. Why? Because she is failing to see the bigger picture. She had some drama going on with her child’s father previously but it seemingly is settled now in court.¬†. What I have seen lately is that she is still feuding with Future (child’s dad) outside¬†of court¬†over the money she lost due¬†¬†to the negative publicity, which may have some truth to it. The point is, she still has custody of her child and is with a man that MARRIED her and can give her the life she wants. She is also beautiful and talented and ¬†will be able to continue with where she left off. The bigger picture is that Russell has an adoration for the Lord, he loves her child and he adores her. He is way more successful than Future and she seems to be more God conscious now herself… She has a legit family now with a faithful man… To me, there is no reason for her to keep wanting to go to court over what was lost. I get where she is coming from in a¬† human eye but spiritually that may be coming from a darker place.. She better be careful…

Ok, where was I?

We are certainly living in the last days… There is so much going on and it’s basically setting the stage for the return of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Being distracted by the things that these situations can bring will only put you in a place where you are not ready for his return.

I guess what I am saying in short single mom is to let God handle it, all of it.. and put your face before him from this point on..

If God can move me forward to the job I been wanting since college, get me¬† half way through my Master’s program, give me wisdom and revelation knowledge; what more will he do for you? I say let’s change the point of focus and look towards God! It’s so worth it!