FAITH

The Irony of Self-Sabotage

 

From my understanding, self sabotage is the interference that we as individuals allow that ultimately keep us from our personal goals. A great example of this is procrastination.

I’m not really sure why I do it or when I started doing it, but I am aware that I self-sabotage. They say self- reflection is the key to moving forward so here I am. I know that I am smart, full of energy and ideas, but sometimes I have trouble starting and/or finishing things. I remember when I was younger I use to say that I was scared of  my own success. Someone interpreted that I was afraid of failure and I didn’t see it then as being afraid of failure but as a 27 year old woman, I get what they mean now.

The NO JUDGEMENT ZONE:

Please and thank you. 🙂

So I am fully aware of this box that I created for myself and as much as I could blame it on a lot of exterior factors such as various traumas, parenting style of my parents , and other things, I think it’s about time for me to build a habit getting past that. I am starting to feel the hassle  that has been created through my self sabotaging behavior.

How do I self sabotage?

For me I think procrastination is probably my biggest issue. When it comes to someone having an expectation of me, as it pertains usually to my own goal, I tend to sway away from it.

Example.

I am a graduate student and a full-time employee. Because of this my professors work with me to make sure that we utilize other ways of getting credit that I would otherwise get had I been able to attend class in full. My professor only wanted me to write a reflection  email to show that I am still following along with the readings. Sounds easy right? Idiot proof? Yea, but let me tell you that it was so hard for me to write one until she emailed me and asked me where they were. We have had about 5 classes go by.

But why did I do that? To be honest I really believe the reason why I procrastinated the way I did is because I will be finished with my master’s in December. At least I’m planning to be, and the truth is, I’m terrified.  I’ve always wanted to get my master’s. It was a dream of mine in undergrad but I never thought any school would accept me because I of my g.p.a. Now that I’m almost done, I’m dragging my feet out of fear of what can come out of it.

The key phrase is “what can come out of it?”

So again, even years later, the question of whether that is fear of success or failure, or a constant thought of not being deserving suspended in mid air.

As some of you know I attend Word of Faith in Southfield, MI. This past weekend, Pastor Michelle Ferguson had the stage. She preached a sermon called ” A Change of Heart”. She mentioned a few things/ stories that I felt were relevant to how I been feeling lately.

God can change the circumstances around you but it’s up to you to make it possible for what you want, but it’s up to you to determine what you will accept from God. She used a great example with a kitchen tool that resembled a strainer. The strainer wasn’t that big but it represented what she was willing to allow to be filtered through her life. She mentioned that when she had meet her husband, she didn’t feel that he could genuinely love her for who she was. I other words at the time because of what she believed about herself, she couldn’t imagine being worthy of something so big.

I could totally relate to this. There were things externally throughout my life that have been written on my heart that have hindered me in different ways, but ultimately it is up to me to be the keeper of my heart.

The inspiration of this particular post is rooted in wanting that change to that I can receive in this year of fabulous outpouring.  I need to believe bigger and start to believe more about what God has said to me in regards to who I am.

He has definitely always showed me that he will deliver me and open doors for me. I just need to believe for all the things I want to come through those doors and that it is mine.

Self sabotage is a tool from an enemy, a form of bondage, that keeps us from being where God wants to be. It keeps us from reaching the people he wants us to reach, and it prohibits us from bringing glory to God and making his name great.

So today, I ask that you reflect if you are a procrastinator or someone who engages in self sabotage and really ask yourself why you feel that you don’t deserve it?

Victory is yours!

Much love.

Tiffany

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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